Onto much more dreadful Tales of Woe.
The other early evening we (two sisters of mine and myself) were enjoying ourselves at the beach. We had just returned from a Food Lion and we bore such bounty and booty, i felt invincible and couldn't wait for a good time with sandy towels and surprise crunches in the mouth.
i Began by emptying the few, small grocery bags (at least 5) and neatly placing the items onto the already sandy towels. There was excitement in the air to say the least. i Reached for the footlong, store bought, ham and turkey sub which was tightly and securely wrapped in plastic only to discover in dismay it wasn't cut. My intelligent sister had stole some plastic-ware packets however, and promptly ripped and "sliced" the sandwich in half. i Picked up some mustard and tabasco packets (yes, more packets holding useful tools) and proceeded to drizzle the sub.
It was perfect. i Was starving. The approximate 6 in. sub in my hands with wonderful flavorful sauces evenly distributed about. i Took a bite. i Took another chunk out of the sandwich. My sister poured some Bolthouse Farms (Passion Fruit and Guava infused) into some coffee cups and it was beautiful. The sandwich was almost a fourth done when i saw a few seagulls out of the corner of my eye, hovering and flapping in the wind. i Should have known, the plan was in motion already. i Didn't stand a chance.
As i reached for my cup with my left hand and held the sub with my right, i enjoyed that last fatal slurp of my juice with gusto. But it was too late.
i Heard a bone-chilling screech and flurry of wings and feather near my left ear. i Threw my eyes off the bottom of the cup and cast them upon my sandwich only to see a blur of white and feel an odd sensation scraping across my right thumb.
Talons. Large ones. They were the odd sensation i was feeling, but that was nothing compared to the thoughts of dread and despair that was welling up fast inside me. i Knew what was happening. i Knew what was about to happen.
Images of little tykes and portions of food that are obviously too big, and some mean creature rips it out of their grasp, flashed through my mind and i knew i fit into that category. i Watched in horror as my sandwich was carried just a few hundred feet before it fell and these vicious gulls made short work of it.
i Didn't know whether to scream, cry, shout obscenities, yell expletives, or get up and chase them foolishly. My sister took care of it for me by deciding to scream and accomplish the latter. It caused a weak smile, but i knew i was robbed.
i Had been robbed senselessly. There was nothing i could do and that just added to my hopeless situation.
i Kept looking back at those wretched seagulls who had devoured some po' boy's meal, and tried to shoot as many icy daggers with my eyes as possible. To no avail. They stared back and out to see, waiting and hoping for something else. This is what i couldn't stand. They had taken my sandwich but still, some hovered near by waiting to fly and swoop down in one finale fatality.
We watched what we were holding from then on. We ate in fear and always kept an eye to the sky.
i Was sure there were congratulations and grateful thank-yous passed around to that seagull who pulled that sneaky, hideous fast one. To that cursed bird, it must be weary in the future. i Have asked for fire from Heaven, or a chance to give it a serious talking to, at least.
It has to know, it's my worst foe.
