Cold Summer Morning

Let me start by describing how i never thought this day would come. i'll just jump right to it and not let you sweat and suffer until i tell you bluntly to cause you a little less stress, for once.

Some time earlier this week i learned about a possible hot air balloon ride early Sunday morning. If that short statement of awe didn't intrigue you, please stop reading now. i Wish i could convince you like Lemony Snicket because if i could you would be sure to stop. He writes so convincingly sometimes i came pretty close to stopping as he continued to suggest but that's what kept my eyes running...over the pages.

Anyway, it was a REMAX donation event where they were trying to help Children's Miracle Network i believe. The gist (where did we get this strange and incoherent term? Glad you're wondering too and want to learn something about the English language during your sunny summer of laziness. Just read that it comes from the great Français verb "gesir" meaning "to lie". It entered the English language 'as a legal term' in 1688. Thank you for reading this brief and informative history lesson in its entirety and yes it is now at a close and you may continue to snore uproariously, for after all you are in summer break and wouldn't dare be taught anything of value in this day of partying, nonsense, and clods of sunblock.) is that you could give any donation and "take a ride in a hot air balloon". Inviting? Quite.

Woke up at 4:56 this morning when i set my alarm for 4:30. We were going to leave at 5. Well, it still worked out. We got there with too much time anyway. i Was sure everyone and their sister and puppies would want a free ride. Wouldn't you assume so too? It's only logical. Everyone does want to ride in one, surely. Well, we arrived with the people setting up and i tried fitfully to try and sleep. Did i mention it was about a 40 minute minivan ride to this field and i didn't sleep a wink? i Was so thrilled i couldn't sleep well last night and was happily flipping and flopping around like a balled up wet pair of boxer shorts in a washing machine set on spin cycle.

At around 7 i gave up and stepped out into a dew covered field that had a petite bite to the air. Mr. Hot Air Balloon Man was having some adults and little girls help him spread it out. Not to be out done by some 6, 'scuse me, 7 and a half year olds, i scuttled over to the balloon and was told to get on some working gloves. Boy oh boy, electrifying. The thought of helping Mr. Hot Air Balloon Man out let alone soaring off the ground? Special. Oh so.

The burly hairy man of a man told us recruits that he needed people holding the balloon open while he shot air, and later hot air, into the mammoth airship. Yes, i did jump at one of those jobs. The other job included holding ropes and for this he needed several. My job was just with three others; two of them held some more, yes, ropes while the other actually held the blimp open. i Made sure to ask the manly stock Balloon Man if my job i had just ignorantly volunteered for needed a sturdy soul, but he assured me without a smile that it didn't.

i Held it open but i made a mistake in the first second. He had a fan blowing powered by a gas motor. It was on my side. Hooray. My shorts turned into sails and flapped foolishly around my legs and it wasn't long before they were blown clean off and i was left...

All right all right, but they were sails. Real sails, ballooning ridiculously up and tearing back and forth shouting in competition with the outboard. Dazzling. Nevertheless, i held on to that ring that felt like it belonged to a ballroom gown and awkwardly tried to continue to hold my useless left foot down on it. It ever so slowly began to rise and i anxiously thought up terrible possible future events if i were to let my spindly fingers slide a tad away from the hoop.

Finally, he began to try and fill it with hot (no it's not hot air for those of you who still don't know. It is burning flames shot into the balloon. "Hot" my eye. Yes i know you knew that, but it makes me feel brighter and more knowledgeable about this field of work that i don't know a lick about. Ahah.) air but alas, crosswinds started to blow and rudely interrupted.

It began again of me trying to desperately hold on and not think too drastically about the ever approaching future as my hands grew more tired. It worked with patience of which i utterly had lacked all morning.

Instead of describing in full in another 16 to 38 paragraphs of a cold hot air balloon adventure in which i sailed the clouds and gazed into the depths of the sea and saw sharks and dolphins and all manner of sea life playing and singing happy songs, i will crush your hopes instead. i Did not go more than 40 feet in the air and stayed tethered to a few vehicles below.

Was it worth it? By all means. Every bit of it. Why might you demand so indignantly? Because my one friend, i still rode and spent some of the day in a... "cold hot air balloon!" i Thanked Mr. Hot Air Balloon Man and tried to get his attention by calling him this but he didn't take much notice for he was busy talking to the new riders.

Singing the song on the way home i couldn't help but grin from nostril to nostril as i could cross off traveling in one of those giants. However, i'll still keep my eyes peeled for another venture.

To make the day just one step better it was July 4th. Happy Independence Day. i Was invited to our back-back porch that was ghettoly added to our house and enjoyed a bowl of fresh silver blueberries with cream and whipped cream sprayed with care from a Wal-Mart aerosol can i probably had run to get at the last moment last trip. Pretending you are in the Tour de France nix the bicycle in Wal-Mart is a must.

Another good addition. Sailship has posted two new songs to celebrate too. i've had them on manual repeat for..all day.

One more for the road? Mark Swickley posted lyrics too.

One more for Chuck Norris because...yeah. We watched fireworks through some trees from our screened-in back porch. They were illegal, fun, noisy, and bright. i Further believe they were being shot off from a hoity-toity golf corse near by that needed commotion like that.

These were made so much more enjoyable because the parents were ecstatic. They kept shouting joyful noises such as, "YES! Another one!" "Do it again!" "Yes!" "Do another one!" i Won't put them all in bold, or caps or italics because if you know that merry couple than you know that they can get loud. No, honestly. Surely every retired soul could have heard them through the concrete and closed windows as they tried wearily to close their old and rich eyes. (Not poor because that wouldn't make any sense.)

Yes.

Hope your Fourth was as special or more and you ate enough to stuff you up to the rafters. Some were eating hot dogs and burgers. i Had a tasty chicken salad and homemade ice cream with Malted Milk.

Extraordinary. ;)

Oh, last note. You wanted a patriotic message full of usable intel. to share with your family next year and your grand kids later? It looks like i left that out. Well, it does not have "great sharing abilities" and it most likely doesn't "connect with your troublesome teens this summer" but you can read Flags just for you to um, read.

Flags

Okay, so it's summer. Well no it's actually, Summer.

It's here and it's going to be a busy one. Haven't figured out what i'm going to be doing precisely in the next few weeks, but it's busy. Summer summer. That word doesn't scream "busy" does it? Well maybe it does. So, i'm writing these ridiculous blogs so you two can scan them over with a lazy eye and come to the conclusion that you really are wasting your time. Oh well, i said it. i Think i said this before but... These are mainly to raise the eyebrows and maybe let a smidgen of a grin graze your mind. That's it. So, if it doesn't accomplish that well... It's wasting so much of your time i do believe you might as well keep reading and never give up; theo Shepard should come to a good point by the year 2039 and the surgery is successful up there.

The 14th was Flag Day. i Was woken up by my parents on the phone saying "Happy Flag Day!" around bright and early 9 in the morning in the...Summer. Yes.

My mom thought we should celebrate. i Thought, why in the world... Not? So, i got online and started looking up what you inquire so urgently? Yes! Water parks. It turns out the closest one is 40 minutes away and it doesn't have many slides, as well as being sort of pricey unless i was a child of 6 and under. Who knows, i might've been able to slide under the gate and claim i was three and free. A little girl today told me "Anything is possible 'cause God can do anything." ("Faith Like a Child... Duh duh, deeh dehh, duh duh dehh.." Oh apologies; was singing a..)

Alas, i did not go gallivanting to Myrtle Waves or any other water park and perform shenanigans anywhere. Except... A text message saying there was to be a "party" at the youth leaders' house. Really just a fun hangout time so the married happy couple could show off their new unit of residence, i think.

Had to get gas first and that meant going into the ol' Ocean Town. Decorated to the lamp post it was. Flags and some mo'! Everywhere i looked. Yes, the cars too! i Felt out of place...sort of. So, why didn't i take a picture and post it up on this here vociferation? Well let me tell you that is another blog in itself!!!!!!! Well it'd be kind of short, but it's still sort of a story. You see, i didn't think about people decorating or caring about this country's flag. It didn't cross my mind at all. There's the blog post. Shucks, that was it?

Actually it is. i Am proud to be an American. i Suppose i only now understand what it means when you leave the country and live without, America. These people down here, they're committed. At least most are because it was a sight. The flags lined the road and i wish i had taken a picture with my wonderful photography skills because that would've given somewhat of a mere image of what it was like. Why isn't everybody patriotic? Surely there is something in everyone's country that they absolutely love and can't find it anywhere else. Wouldn't that one person/belief/place etc. be enough to make that person see that he/she really is proud? For me it's belief. The right to believe what one wants. The Best News is, i know the Truth and He gets to change their minds. The sad truth is i don't think every town in the U.S. put up it's flag that Monday. Must they be so, proud?

Anyway, on my way to the youth leaders' house i took a left on Flagship Dr.

It was spectacular.

A Tale for the.. Heart

Had to write another. Here i go. Are you ready? 'Cause if you aren't well... Buckle in and... Oh for Heaven's sake, just sit there and read this nonsensical story because you've already begun.

Monday, June 7 at 6:04. The phone on my desk moves about jubilantly with beeps that resound around my "L" shaped room with clangs of joy. i Cracked my eyes open and reached half-blindly for the condemned thing.

Skipping ahead, i got out of bed. (No really, i did.)

Breakfast was just dandy as always. Eggs on a bagel i do believe. (Yes. i Am a little spoiled kid who is loved too much by his mom.) After brushing those "clean pearly whites," i went out to the garage and jumped in my... Mom's minivan.

i Was to have my last exam for the school year that day and i wasn't too worried. Just math, nothing too serious. (If you know me, well you're smiling right now because you know how math and theo Shepard walk and talk together. i Have pepper spray but all in vain because the canister does not only have a non-functioning trigger but also is empty.) However, my math teacher was good this past semester and i'm pretty sure i passed the class. Key word: "passed". i Signed out early and was on my way home blasting some incoherent tunes to the people stuck in the high school's cafeteria. Oh, yes. This was good.

"i Was approaching the intersection and the light was green. It must have just turned green however, because people were going pretty slow but speeding up. The person in front of me tapped his/her brakes as did i. i Did not stop though and kept rolling. Then i heard a bump and as i moved my eyes to the rear view mirror to see what it was, i felt a big impact on the back of my car." Ah. Yes, this is the woeful tale i have had to tell at least four or five times in the last two days.

Fortunately there was a bank right there and i "hung" a right to get into it. i Got out and i saw the other drivers get out. One was young looking and the other a much older gentleman. The latter had those glasses that are the type that make your eyes roll. Makes some look like dentists. Others look like scary older men in white lab coats that lack a scalpel and a mean grin but can easily acquire both. And still others look like men who wouldn't dare by two pairs of glasses and would rather go around looking like either of the above. If you haven't figured out what these spindly fingers are trying to describe, "Dad, no problem!" as the wise Theo Huxstable would often say to his not so convinced rich father. It's those glasses in which there is another set of shades attached ever so obviously so that one can flip down the darker ones if he/she is out in the sun; or a bright yellow room that the said individual deems is too bright and must have glasses for. (i Have seen this.) And so,... The close of this pointless paragraph describing these two significant human beings.

A [pretty funny, but too polluted sometimes] comedian once told about a car accident he was in. He described how you get out of the car and start lookin' at the damage. Look at the other driver, look back at the damage. Inspect the damage et cetera. Then, you try and exchange information and that doesn't work 'cause no one ever has a pen. Truth. True story. That's how it was. Exactly. i Didn't say too much because let's face it, theo was just one lost little boy. i Was afraid of saying anything that they could "use against me". Not sure where that unhinged idea came from..wait, yes, the tube.

We hadn't been out of the cars 30 seconds until a cop showed up. He probably was behind some shrubbery watching the road with two peeled eyes waiting for a minivan and two others to ram into it. Just sitting there, hidden all concealed like they do so well. Mhmm. He makes sure everyone is fine, and tells us to wait for Highway Patrol. And so it began. The Highway State Patrol "was on it's way" we were so dutifully told and that was that. No warning of how far away or what state (or country) Highway "state" Patrol was located. Just, "it's on its way." He said it with such ease, the words seemed to slip out of his mouth and uncontrollably run away from him. Surely, it wouldn't take more than 15 minutes, not 30. It's Highway Patrol.

Easily an hour later, it arrived. Guess who was driving this po po car? None other than one of the guest speakers for my Driver's Ed. Yes. He didn't recognize me; or so i think.

Now this post is coming to a close. For lack of a better term, i do believe my brain has had an accident. The afternoon dragged on and did i mention the temperature? It was piping hot. Scalding temps. that seemed to surround me like a day-old, mushy, refrigerated cracker surrounds some cheese. Fabulous.

i Told him "my story". i Waited.

i Gave him my license and than he asked for "registration" not 1 second later and...sheer panic. He wanted a "little blue card". "Oh, no." i Thought to my poor decrepit self. Nevertheless, it was a piece of white paper. After giving the young man my effects, he took them away with the other mens' and hid away in his air conditioned car that is fit to do high-speed chases in the Dakota's, and most likely never needed in the little town by the water where they work. i Waited.

At last, he got out and gave us a clip board and a piece of paper on it that required personal information as well as "our story". He returned to his ever so comfortable car, while we filled out the necessary info. After giving that to him, he hunched over it for at least an hour and a half.

Meanwhile, a tow truck had to come and pick up the first vehicle that caused the commotion because the engine was somewhat out of tune. The car in the middle was hurt the worst. A 2010 Dodge. The year, twenty ten. (i.e. this year. i.e. it looked beyond supreme.)

A total of two hours and a half, gone like the bumper of a car. The start of summer ahead of me, and two cars (one with somebody not having a foot on the brake pedal; and one with someone preoccupied and not paying attention) behind me. It was a day to be sure. For after being released from the one in the dark car, i was told to go to the body shop and wait for the dad. Guess the time now? About five minutes before a sister must be picked up from the happy school. After waiting for sometime for my punctual busy father, he arrived and told me to go get my sister.

To end the day, some cousins showed up and i told this "tale of woe" and galvanized the band into despondency.

However, (yes there is not always those at the end of dreadfully sorrowful stories, here there's an exception) it was only Him who kept me calm. i Shook a little bit getting out of the car when it happened, but it was unbelievable how calm i felt. When it happened i came quite close to shrugging my shoulders and doing an amazing hand gesture that you can only do in places like the Heart of Darkness and, keep driving. Alas, i did not and it was handled patriotically with paper and missing pens and one lost boy that we're still not sure about; it only lacked flags.

03/31/10 One of those days.

Well, i guess it's about time i wrote yet another. In case you're wondering, no i don't have time to write even this "special" event. Let me begin by saying this (occurrence) should have come to pass eras ago.

i Have to commence with something that happened last year about August. At the time we didn't know we were moving to Stinkin' Edge of the Pond, NC. My dad wanted desperately to just get my license out of the way with and have me out and about as soon as P. But, i was afraid that if we moved my permit wouldn't work elsewhere. So we held back at the last second. The very last. My dad was ready to plunk down this large [horrendous, too big to comprehend] sum and i said, "Ehh, maybe not Dad." Whew, thank You, God!

Fast forward a few, and here we are in NC. My sister and i enrolled. (Oh, apologies. Not Driver's Ed, sorry to get your hopes up. If you know me, than you know that i'm older than that old burned down shack that won't cave all the way in and is burned right into your mind and now you really are perturbed that i reminded you of this structure that's in that boring field and you now probably want to go raise it to the ground yourself; well, who's stopping you? i Should have my license by now, but i'm afraid you're mistaken. -nose pokes through cage-) We were thoroughly "educated" one can be sure of that. -nose sprouts tree branches- We really enjoyed Red Asphalt III (1989) and could only imagine what quality filming and script writing that Red Asphalt IV (1998) would bring for our grand-kids. (If you think i'm exaggerating about the times these incredibly instructional videos were released, "Think again." As the line is said in one too many movies over and over when there is a vicious panda bear and one is "instructing" another to reevaluate climbing into its cage.) Our teacher was was one of great barbarian character. She was a hulking mass of trucker woman that did not in fact drive 18 wheeled vehicles but instead focused her attention on a Harley and a Ford GT i believe. She made us watch Wild Hogs (2007, starring Tim Allen). Mind you, this film is smothered in driving directions and how to pay attention to your surroundings so it was especially good for Driver's Ed. If you have yet to see this pleasant film, i would encourage you to go spend at least $6 to rent it at your local Blockbuster. It really is worth every bit of tax you must pay in your state, so don't drive all the way to a library to pick it up. A must-see to be sure. The driver instructor was someone completely different and prized himself in making my sister and i look like utter fools.

He was from New York, and his dialect definitely portrayed this. i Am grateful for him though because he taught me well --enough. The three point turn was a complete disaster, but besides this minor trial, it was a success. He liked classic rock and this was normally played while we dodged trees, careened out of control barely missing stop signs, and were quite jovial about the whole concept, naturally. We were both beginners to the entire subject, however we were traveling at 60 mph our first day. For now, i must "skip to the end" as Prince Humperdinck so annoyingly states.

After having too many bouts with the mother or the father in the passenger's seat, having a horrible accident in a ditch (life flashing by very quickly), and arguing about when i could drive or my younger sister, or a particular dad, four months later Wednesday the 31st i was going to go for it. I didn't think i had much of a chance, but people told me you can take it again 48 hours later. However, the town that i had to gallivant over to was a good 40 minute drive. $$x10 If you get my meaning.

It was really a life and death matter to be sure. i Wanted to pass so badly. i Hadn't had much three point turn practice and wasn't sure if they were going to test me on parallel parking or not. My three point turn practice consisted of three or four attempts with my mom and one awful one with the instructor before i had my permit. It was nothing short of a calamity and i was dreading this part of the test as i had to take it in a mini-van. (Yes. i Did.)

i Got out of school at 11:15 (early-release --no third and fourth period) and was off to the small city with my dad. The drive there was nothing short of terrible. i Was so preoccupied with worrying myself sick about the test i ran one........drove, excuse me, fast and kept having to release the gas because i came close to hit-- Oh, never you mind. We arrived, and walked into the DMV. It was overflowing with people and some that shouldn't have been in there at all. Old and middle aged, dirty and smelly, stifling and unbearable, it clung to my skin and filled my proboscis with quite an odor. After realizing we had come at everyone's lunch hour and there was only one on staff, we weren't sure if the long drive up wouldn't be futile.

We got to the counter and the lady asked for my proof of insurance for the car. They naturally can't test anyone without this because what would happen if i'm in a wreck and don't have any of my own insurance on the car? i Better do a lot of Bible study as my dad would say. Going back to the car, my dad made a phone call to the agency to add me to the list as well as send DMV proof of this act.

But oh no, guess what? The lady was out for.... (Yes) Lunch!! Another hour or so and we got the call saying it had been sent. Hooray. We got our ticket number for when the DMV was ready to see me and when i was called i strolled and stumbled on over to the appropriate desk.

But oh no, guess what! It had not been faxed. Another phone call later and maybe 30 minutes and it finally had been. i Was off to the desk again and then in the car checking the lights and horn with this mean looking snake.. Pardon, woman.

We took off and as i come to a stop right outside the parking lot to the DMV, a truck is about 800 feet away with his blinker on, turning right, right where i was stopped. Ah, perfect. He will be turning in where i'm turning right so it's all fine and dandy, no sweat. What a surprise when he pulled up right behind me almost hitting my bumper. This was good, really swell. Tried to not think about how i just failed, and would be turning back into the parking lot any second as i kept on puttering away. We "hung" a left onto a dead end road and the nerves suddenly built up as i realized this was where the dreaded "Three-Point-Turn" shall commence. Skipping ahead, i did it. Flawed, but accomplished. i Pulled over to the right, checked mirrors, proceeded to turn the wheel to the left and begin turning when i realized, there is no way to successfully make this a "Three" point-turn. Yes. It was four.

She said real solemn like, "Okay, let's go back." Leaving no room to wonder if she sighed with great remorse, or was happy and was pleased with me. i Drove back and before i knew it (without any warning like, "Congrats!! You may just make it out there!") she was saying, "You did fine, honey. Just make sure you don't assume things like when that guy had his blinker on..."

There i was, saying i was under six feet tall, still blond and strange eyed.. Blue, i mean. And i was getting a ridiculous picture with my silly face as the center of the photograph.

The day wasn't over yet. The sun was out as well that day.

i Got to peddle around the quiet neighborhood as well as drive my sister and i to youth group. What tunes played joyfully through out the car on the way there? Well, none other than that great Owl City and all its joyful bleeps and bloops, that's what.

So concludes this mournful tale. i Hope you were not too lachrymose throughout its entirety, and if so... There is not much i can do about it.