Had to write another. Here i go. Are you ready? 'Cause if you aren't well... Buckle in and... Oh for Heaven's sake, just sit there and read this nonsensical story because you've already begun.
Monday, June 7 at 6:04. The phone on my desk moves about jubilantly with beeps that resound around my "L" shaped room with clangs of joy. i Cracked my eyes open and reached half-blindly for the condemned thing.
Skipping ahead, i got out of bed. (No really, i did.)
Breakfast was just dandy as always. Eggs on a bagel i do believe. (Yes. i Am a little spoiled kid who is loved too much by his mom.) After brushing those "clean pearly whites," i went out to the garage and jumped in my... Mom's minivan.
i Was to have my last exam for the school year that day and i wasn't too worried. Just math, nothing too serious. (If you know me, well you're smiling right now because you know how math and theo Shepard walk and talk together. i Have pepper spray but all in vain because the canister does not only have a non-functioning trigger but also is empty.) However, my math teacher was good this past semester and i'm pretty sure i passed the class. Key word: "passed". i Signed out early and was on my way home blasting some incoherent tunes to the people stuck in the high school's cafeteria. Oh, yes. This was good.
"i Was approaching the intersection and the light was green. It must have just turned green however, because people were going pretty slow but speeding up. The person in front of me tapped his/her brakes as did i. i Did not stop though and kept rolling. Then i heard a bump and as i moved my eyes to the rear view mirror to see what it was, i felt a big impact on the back of my car." Ah. Yes, this is the woeful tale i have had to tell at least four or five times in the last two days.
Fortunately there was a bank right there and i "hung" a right to get into it. i Got out and i saw the other drivers get out. One was young looking and the other a much older gentleman. The latter had those glasses that are the type that make your eyes roll. Makes some look like dentists. Others look like scary older men in white lab coats that lack a scalpel and a mean grin but can easily acquire both. And still others look like men who wouldn't dare by two pairs of glasses and would rather go around looking like either of the above. If you haven't figured out what these spindly fingers are trying to describe, "Dad, no problem!" as the wise Theo Huxstable would often say to his not so convinced rich father. It's those glasses in which there is another set of shades attached ever so obviously so that one can flip down the darker ones if he/she is out in the sun; or a bright yellow room that the said individual deems is too bright and must have glasses for. (i Have seen this.) And so,... The close of this pointless paragraph describing these two significant human beings.
A [pretty funny, but too polluted sometimes] comedian once told about a car accident he was in. He described how you get out of the car and start lookin' at the damage. Look at the other driver, look back at the damage. Inspect the damage et cetera. Then, you try and exchange information and that doesn't work 'cause no one ever has a pen. Truth. True story. That's how it was. Exactly. i Didn't say too much because let's face it, theo was just one lost little boy. i Was afraid of saying anything that they could "use against me". Not sure where that unhinged idea came from..wait, yes, the tube.
We hadn't been out of the cars 30 seconds until a cop showed up. He probably was behind some shrubbery watching the road with two peeled eyes waiting for a minivan and two others to ram into it. Just sitting there, hidden all concealed like they do so well. Mhmm. He makes sure everyone is fine, and tells us to wait for Highway Patrol. And so it began. The Highway State Patrol "was on it's way" we were so dutifully told and that was that. No warning of how far away or what state (or country) Highway "state" Patrol was located. Just, "it's on its way." He said it with such ease, the words seemed to slip out of his mouth and uncontrollably run away from him. Surely, it wouldn't take more than 15 minutes, not 30. It's Highway Patrol.
Easily an hour later, it arrived. Guess who was driving this po po car? None other than one of the guest speakers for my Driver's Ed. Yes. He didn't recognize me; or so i think.
Now this post is coming to a close. For lack of a better term, i do believe my brain has had an accident. The afternoon dragged on and did i mention the temperature? It was piping hot. Scalding temps. that seemed to surround me like a day-old, mushy, refrigerated cracker surrounds some cheese. Fabulous.
i Told him "my story". i Waited.
i Gave him my license and than he asked for "registration" not 1 second later and...sheer panic. He wanted a "little blue card". "Oh, no." i Thought to my poor decrepit self. Nevertheless, it was a piece of white paper. After giving the young man my effects, he took them away with the other mens' and hid away in his air conditioned car that is fit to do high-speed chases in the Dakota's, and most likely never needed in the little town by the water where they work. i Waited.
At last, he got out and gave us a clip board and a piece of paper on it that required personal information as well as "our story". He returned to his ever so comfortable car, while we filled out the necessary info. After giving that to him, he hunched over it for at least an hour and a half.
Meanwhile, a tow truck had to come and pick up the first vehicle that caused the commotion because the engine was somewhat out of tune. The car in the middle was hurt the worst. A 2010 Dodge. The year, twenty ten. (i.e. this year. i.e. it looked beyond supreme.)
A total of two hours and a half, gone like the bumper of a car. The start of summer ahead of me, and two cars (one with somebody not having a foot on the brake pedal; and one with someone preoccupied and not paying attention) behind me. It was a day to be sure. For after being released from the one in the dark car, i was told to go to the body shop and wait for the dad. Guess the time now? About five minutes before a sister must be picked up from the happy school. After waiting for sometime for my punctual busy father, he arrived and told me to go get my sister.
To end the day, some cousins showed up and i told this "tale of woe" and galvanized the band into despondency.
However, (yes there is not always those at the end of dreadfully sorrowful stories, here there's an exception) it was only Him who kept me calm. i Shook a little bit getting out of the car when it happened, but it was unbelievable how calm i felt. When it happened i came quite close to shrugging my shoulders and doing an amazing hand gesture that you can only do in places like the Heart of Darkness and, keep driving. Alas, i did not and it was handled patriotically with paper and missing pens and one lost boy that we're still not sure about; it only lacked flags.
